2burgers2fries2dietcokes: I went to a Ke$ha...

I went to a Ke$ha concert last night.

I woke up this AM covered in glitter and I had to use Palmolive dish soap to get it out of my scalp before I had to go to a meeting this morning with a lot of straight men at a hockey arena for work. (Don’t ask).

Highlights of last nights concert included:

Ke$ha dedicating the song Backstabber to “All the bitches who think it’s cool to steal their friends’ cars.”

She finished the song Cannibal by taking a bite out of a fake human heart like an apple and then drinking blood out of it like it was canteen.

She picked a man from the crowd and brought him onstage to sexily sing and grind up on during her performance of Grow a Pair. Little did she know the “man” she chose was a 17 year old gay kid who knew all the lyrics. After she was finished she laughed awkwardly and said “Welcome to puberty.”

During Grow a Pair a large mascot named Mr. Penis came out and she motorboated Mr. Penis’ large mascot balls.

The head of her stage crew was named Santa and after she was done grinding on the 17 year old, she said “Santa remove him from my stage.”

And the ultimate highlight was this piece of poetry uttered by Madame Dollar sign herself: “The only sucks about this concert is that I don’t have enough glitter on my tits.” To which my dear friend Heidi responded “First world problems.”

I had tickets and totally missed this last night.

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